I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
