Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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