Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
