Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
