no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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