Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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