I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
