don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
