i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
