I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
