You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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