note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
