I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
