I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I need a burrito and a hug.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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