oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
