I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I intend to get homeless drunk
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
