I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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