Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
