my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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