Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
