Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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