i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
