omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
