I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
