I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
