sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
please come you make the beer taste better
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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