He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
