He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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