im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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