already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
porn star boner night. come get it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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