Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
His hands were made for my vagina.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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