Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
