We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
