i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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