I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
