apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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