Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
