It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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