I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I cannot find my penis.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
handjob tips. give me some.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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