i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
