Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
