He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
