i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Welp...herpes.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
