If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
