You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
