do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
