Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
