Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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