Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
