Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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