I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
