I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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