I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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