i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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