wanna go halves on a baby?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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