ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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