Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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