Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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