The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
