I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
