I met the friendliest cop last night
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
