my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
