I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
