worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize