dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
