im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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