i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
